You are the first and most important piece of your health and your healing journey. You are both capable and ready to make the changes you need to reclaim your health and feel better, and once you claim that power, you own your rightful place in the “I am capable of feeling amazing every day” club.
There are people who will tell you that health is a willpower-based, solo experience, but this notion is not only limiting and isolating, it’s altogether unhelpful! When we perpetuate this idea that we alone are responsible for our health, we inadvertently set ourselves up for failure. Yes, you are the only one who can make the decision to get well, and continue to make it for yourself every day, but the relationships you choose are important as well.
You are a force of nature, but even Mother Nature is all about connection.
Study after study has shown that we’re intricately connected to the people in our lives; the closer a person is to you, the more impactful their influence on your life will be. When your partner or best friend starts eating more healthfully, your chances of getting healthy increase threefold, but the same is true if they start making poor health choices. You are more likely to succeed with your health and wellness goals if you surround yourself with people who support that journey.
But before we analyze your present-day circumstances and relationships, you must first understand that your health and wellness began many moons ago. The health of your parents prior to, and at your conception has impacted your health, the physical and mental health of your mother while she was pregnant with you has impacted your health, and the food you were fed as a child have all impacted your health. Furthermore, your social settings and the changing influences in your life have impacted your health, and if you look back through your own history and track these trends, you’ll likely notice certain periods of life where achieving your health goals felt easier or harder.
This not only relates to the people and environmental influences around you, but also to the chemical responses in your body. When your stress response (cortisol) is triggered repeatedly, non-specific inflammation in your body rises, increasing your chances of acute and chronic illness like getting a cold or experiencing irritable bowel syndrome, for instance. Stress can stem from feeling unsupported by your social networks, or not having a meaningful social network at all. In fact, research has shown that those who are more prone to social isolation are more likely to die younger, and be at a higher risk for heart-related diseases, too.
The quality of your relationship and environment choices matter.
When a patient decides to work with me, we inevitably discuss their relationships at length, to see how they might be helpful or hurtful as the patient works toward their health goals. We’ll begin with the most obvious influences: partners, close friends and roommates, and then move on to other family and colleagues, etc. It’s usually easy to point out the ones who positively impact and cheer you on, versus the ones who do not.
As you clean up your body, you’ll notice that you’ll naturally begin to clean up your relationships as well. This doesn’t mean that you suddenly remove people from your life, although that may happen. But you will learn how to have important and sometimes challenging conversations with those you love, and to express how they might be better allies for you. The ones who love and respect you are likely to meet you where you need them, and those who don’t are more likely to slowly leave your life. While this can be a very challenging shift and period in your health journey, it will inevitably open so much space for more supportive, aligned and loving relationships to enter your life.
I once had a patient who came to me with a severe autoimmune condition as well as IBS. She was beyond ready to start feeling well again and had made a firm decision to pursue some radical shifts in her diet and lifestyle to begin her healing process. In our early conversations, she revealed to me that her husband “ate like a child.” He loved chicken nuggets, Mac ‘n Cheese and diet sodas. He preferred to watch TV when he got home from work and didn’t like to move his body, go to the gym or be active outside.
During the first year of our work together, my patient struggled, but not because she wasn’t ready to actively make some change. She struggled because she felt unsupported by her husband, spent extra time in the kitchen making two different meals every night, and didn’t spend much time with her husband on the weekends because she wanted to be more active in her free time. Over time, they grew apart, and eventually divorced.
Now, this may seem like an extreme example, but this particular patient is now in a loving, supportive relationship with someone new who loves her healthy lifestyle, and is actively engaged in it too. In addition, she has not only healed her IBS, but she also hasn’t had a symptomatic case of her autoimmune condition in years!
The road may be long, but it’s always better with good company.
But wait! There are also opportunities for your current relationships to grow stronger when you open the lines of communication around what you need, and when that happens, it can feel incredibly nourishing and fulfilling. My mom, for example, is a wonderful baker, and has taken great interest in trying recipes without dairy and cane sugar, which happen to be severe food intolerances for me. It was a hard transition for both of us when I realized I could no longer have these foods, and sure, our first few dessert attempts weren’t always awesome. But I felt included when she made the effort, and today she rarely comes to a family event without a sweet treat for me to try.
Being honest with yourself and the ones you love about what you need on your health journey is critical. After that, honest and authentic communication can emerge, and I think you’ll be surprised to see who rises to the occasion. When they do, give them the opportunity to show up for you, and make every effort to offer them the same encouragement. After all, like anything else worth having, health and wellness takes a village– let’s make yours a good one.