Our eyes are absolutely a window into our spirit and soul. We can know and learn so much by simply looking into someone's eyes. Oftentimes, no words are necessary, and yet a whole conversation can take place.
For a moment, think about how often we look into the eyes of those around us. We do it all the time. In American culture, anyways, it is common to look into someone's eyes as a sign that we are paying attention, showing interest, acknowledging another person's presence, or even in moments of expressing sincere love and kindness. It can also be used in moments to emphasize seriousness or in an attempt to exert dominance over another person (envision a chauvinistic male attempting to domineer a woman, for instance. Or in a business dispute.).
But how can just looking into another person's eyes elicit such varying meanings? In my opinion, it's because looking into eyes is a very intimate experience. You are allowing another person to truly see you. And this can ignite a form of vulnerability that makes us incredibly uncomfortable, especially if you have never really seen yourself.
In my personal life and with my patients as well, I use the mirror as a healing modality. Spending time looking at yourself in the mirror can be a powerfully therapeutic tool.
In our current social environments, we are trained from a young age to not like looking in the mirror because we are also taught to not like ourselves, most especially our physical bodies. We spend more time than we realize criticizing ourselves for the way we look. We're not thin or toned enough. We don't have nice enough clothes. Our nose isn't the shape we'd like. Our hair isn't full enough. We have too many wrinkles. The list is endless. And these critiques seem to become omnipotent when we face ourselves in the mirror. So naturally, we are uncomfortable with mirrors. And many of us are uncomfortable looking at ourselves at all!
If you spent even an hour paying attention to the myriad of critiques that go through your mind each day about yourself, you'd be exhausted, and honestly quite sad. We are our own, biggest critics. Some would go so far as to say we are bred to be our own biggest enemy too. This type of self-slander can be incredibly damaging to our psyche, and many times causes internal energy blockages that can manifest itself in unintentionally harmful ways: lack of self-confidence, sabotaging relationships, self-harm (eating disorder, over-exercising disorders, addiction), depression, and so much more.
At the bottom of our deepest desires, we are all looking to be loved. And in my opinion, we are all yearning to love ourselves most of all.
So how do you practice mirror work?
Quite simply, you will look at yourself in the mirror, straight into your beautiful eyes. For those of you who are new to mirror work, I recommend starting small, about 2-5 minutes a day. Once you get more comfortable with the concept, shoot for 10 minutes/day. My preference is to use a full-length mirror, although that can also be harsh if you're not comfortable in your body. So if you find that it's too intimidating at first to use a full-length mirror, start instead with a face-only or hand-held mirror (from a make-up compress, for instance). (Note: the more advanced you become with this type of healing work, I recommend doing this work naked. It provides an even deeper form of intimacy and vulnerability with yourself; a chance to leave nothing behind.)
When you are in the mirror, start by just looking into your eyes and taking a few, belly-deep breaths. Notice how you feel, but do not judge anything that comes up for you. If you are feeling awkward or nervous at first, this is normal. Many people often cry. Simply notice how you're feeling and let it go. Know that you are safe and nurtured in this practice. Maybe place your hands over your heart and feel it beating. Envision yourself injecting it with love and peace and safety.
I often would make a goal, each time I'd go before the mirror, to list what I'm grateful for about myself. Remember, this is a time that you connect with yourself. Make your gratitudes specific, honest and full.
Once you are ready, you may start talking to yourself as if you were talking to a friend. Eventually, you may just have conversations with yourself about your day and how you're feeling. This is the goal: to see yourself fully, to love yourself fully, and to become your own best friend. Mirror work emphasizes an acknowledgment of ourselves; of our inner child and our boundless spirit. The hope is that you will uncover that you have a love deep within you that is unshakeable, constant and available to you every hour and minute of every day.
If you ever struggle to find the words, you can always come back to just breathing and gazing. Or you can repeat a mantra that you'd like to work on. Some of my favorites include:
I am worthy.
I am abundant.
I am capable.
I am loved.
I am safe.
When we begin to truly acknowledge ourselves as a human that is deserving of our own love and affections, we are far more capable of giving and sharing love with others. We begin to realize that we are enough, that we have always been enough, and we can relax into our own "enoughness."
Dare to see yourself fully. Dare to love yourself fully. You'll be amazed at the overwhelming magic inside of you.
In health 'n Mellness,
xo